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Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Headache... I am going crazy. I need to set my mind straight. I have cut down on work, cut down on sleep and cut down on my attention to everything else to focus on a girl. There is a god. He is testing me. He is teaching me patience and endurance. My mind is going crazy thinking. Wanting to be with her. Obsession, i am obsessed. I am crazy. I am crazy for u... ;F
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:27:00 AM
Monday, September 29, 2003
Ahh so tired. Havent really gotten any good rest. Tonight sleep early and gain back my energy!
I found a song to play for my funeral liao. When the time comes lah... Not like its going to happen soon. Andy Lau's Ò»Æð×ß¹ýµÄÈÕ×Ó
Dunno i just think its a nice song ;D.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:44:00 AM
Sunday, September 28, 2003
A person once told me that friends/lovers come into our lives for a season; it could be a short one, or even last several years, but it's just like the seasons - they come, and they go. Trying to hold on to it only makes it's passing that much more unbearable, and you are also keeping the next season from coming into your life. Allow life to pass on as it needs, and embrace whatever it brings next. Each moment we have the ability to enjoy this world the way it is right now, it only requires us to chose a state of happiness over misery.
Getting over an ex is like having a hangover.
You feel bad, like you might throw up. Can't eat or sleep much, your head hurts.
The trick is to keep moving, keep busy. If you sit still, all you can think about is your terrible hangover, wondering when it's going to go away. But hangovers fade away slowly, so if you wait for it to be over, it seems like it never will.
If you just go about your business as best you can though, you don't even realise it til later but suddenly; all the pain's gone.
And then you're ready to drink again!
lol
just read this in a forum. Thought i'd post it here since its so meaningful for me
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:48:00 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
Today do some works! Gonna finish dsd stuffs by this weekend. Wonder where i'm gonna go on saturday.
Today after work went out with Sakuya wenjie and qiaoling! Went arcade first time play Percussian freak. HAHAHA 1st try. 1st stage dead to song PPR. Nice song ne! Only dunno how to play. The high hat and snare is so close to each other. How to cross? Then see them play GUITAR FREAK! Hahaha Qiaoling am gosu bassist >_< ;P. LOL only a game maybe must see real skill is go to jamming room to see ppl play!
Ahh going to sleep! Who going out tmr... msg me ne! Maybe go out ton tmr
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:53:00 AM
Thursday, September 25, 2003
haha today rain very heavy. Shoes all wet and so cold in the office! Was thinking through some of the stuff in my head. Yesterday after talking a lot i start to ask myself... What is it that i am looking forward to in having a relationship? Last time when i was with my ex. The MOST i ever did was send her home and muack her good night? And we were together like 6 mths and that's the MOST i ever did? Come to think of it, I also never thought about doing much haha. I guess its just the feeling of waking up every morning and in your head there is a person. Wanting to see her everyday, wanting to hug her close, watch some show, watch a movie or see the stars. Just chill out. Haha i guess i have a serious problem since almost everyone i know is "WHO DO U WANT TO CHIAM!". >_<. Dun get me wrong. Girls turn me on! hahahaha... Bah enough nonsense.
Really thought a lot today, since i can't overuse my worktime at office to do my work, that left me with only 1 thing left to do. Think about myself. I guess that's what i always do. Think of ways to improve myself. I figure... I still havent managed to do anything for myself. Worked some shitty hours to get some money. But spending the money big time. Investing it in someone's dreams. Providing funding so that the dreams may be achieved. And hoping that the dream brings revenue. of course that's my secondary motive!
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:19:00 AM
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
;D? Normal day nothing exciting. Dunno what to do now leh. I dun think she ready to go in a relation with me. How to tell? I really dunno ?.? Cause i am dumdum kiddie XD. Pls someone teach me
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:51:00 AM
Monday, September 22, 2003
Today's day is called SOME BAD LUCK day! Ok start Some Bad Luck Day after work ;D~. Today go for Final Theory for driving test!!! NOPE! SOME BAD LUCK is not means i dun know how to do or never pass the test! Some bad luck means i went to AMK to take the test! When the test place is at queenstown! (Some bad memory too) HAH!
Next skipped the test and went to meet qiao ling. Then we go find ah wei! Then sit there talk talk ;D. Until go home that time. Miss last bus! Some suay! Have to go to YCK. Get free ride home... >_<. Then the end of my SOME BAD LUCK DAY was. Come home bring zip drive to upload things from phone to comp. All the pictures are belogn to you! XD. You guessed it. Bring zip drive no zip disk! Some bad luck end!
Now bad luck day is over! So here is very good luck day ;D
start it by doing something brave...
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:57:00 AM
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Haha i learn something new about me. Something i never would ever expect. I am suffering from fear. Fear of loss of love, fear of poverty and the fear of criticizm. I have to stand up and face my fears. Fear of loss of love. I guess I've always been afraid of this cause I've all the happiness in the world in me. And i want to share my joy. But nobody seems to want to share it with me. Tried to say the words but ?.? FEAR. Damn. And why do i not dare say it? Fear of criticizm? I don't want people to say my heart changes very fast. But then this girl is really very nice and i enjoy being around her. And well... She knows how to think for herself. At least to me she seems to be able to. And she's so fragile... What can i say? My heart is too soft. I guess i'm not going to say anything or do anything. Until she thinks its right. Dun wanna make things awkward between us. But i dun really care what other ppl say. I only do what's right.
Ahh just heard some backdated news about me. Haha then upon hearing bad things i immediately put myself in defence position trigger trap card! I discount all the facts and try to state my part of the story. That should be the right thing to do for my part. If u were in my shoes. But its the wrong thing to do. Its not right to point fingers and discount ppl's stories. If its anyone's fault it will be mine. After all there must be a little story before it can be blown out of proportion.
Dun push the blame dun point fingers. If something happens, think why it happens and learn. No use pointing fingers cause nothing happens and only anger rises. Forgiven. Forgotten!
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:55:00 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
RED...[EM] OMG! I was writing my program... Then... I turn on my winamp... Listen to Red...[EM]... Cannot think... Everything is... Only drums... Strange and nice beat... Very catchy... Must... Figure... Must... Play... This... Song... Someday...
OMG This song has been in my head whole day. I can almost feel the drums when i listen. I havent felt this way since yokan. Such a beautiful and powerful song. SONG GA LAP PER!
Eh I dowan to care what other ppl think. Dreams are worth chasing. And i wun let this ger slip away!
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:28:00 AM
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Deleted off my old picture messages. Time to take new ones! Eh yesterday went to watch pirate show. DAMN GOOD Definitely worth watching a 2nd time. But dowan lah... Yesterday after the movie met ah wei and qiaoling~. Then go makan and chit chat. Next time i dun talk business liao when i come out. And dun talk money. Cause... Dun like to talk about it ;D.
How... Dunno what to do already. Why everyone ask me about Luna? I already stay clear liao. I already away liao. XD. But i need someone to give me inspiration again le... Like how it was when i started to work. Haha well even if i got 1 in mind now... I just dropped off my emotions from 1 side, and i pick up another?
Dun sound too fair to the girl. Unless i can handle it tactfully... *plot plan*
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:10:00 AM
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Haha today went to cut my hair! I think i really like cutting hair. Everytime i go, it will be me and my stylist open the book. Then i look at all the hairstyles then my stylist will anyhow say "eh this one not bad leh" Then i will OK LETS CUT THIS ONE! Haha. Anyhow choose XD. Anyway turn out not bad i guess. I dun mind it, some ppl say i look like schoolboy some ppl say i look umm... "cute"? I dunno but anyway i cut my hair!
Then went to do market research. Well the results wun be posted here of course. Market research is private stuff noe? Oh then went to GRAFF! OMG... Emerson ask me if i got sleep or not. He say my "hei yan quan" is quite bad. ;( But i got sleep mah... maybe a bit less than other ppl per day... Maybe i should relax myself and sleep more. Take care of my health now liao. Oh today got toy fair. Lots of little toys to see ^.^
Today got many people! The wenjie is... Very funny and friendly haha. Now i dun feel intimidated by him, i actually see his funny and nice person nature instead. Oh then there was IRIS. She didn't look very happy today ?.? Wonder what happened. Then there's gish! Long time no see her. Well she looks not much different from the last time i saw her. Looks no different mah. Ahh then still got who else. Yah Kei! Haha she join us very late today. Then at the arcade play the boxing game. Haha. Funny person and very infectious smile she has. Ah i guess next will be tabe. Wah he really collects a lot of stuff. And he collects them value for money. Quality stuff for a decent price. GOSU! Oh yeah i think i'm clearing my barriers. Slowly i'm learning again, how to talk. How to open my mouth and engage in verbal conversation with other people. Dun laugh ok... Some things require re-learning. I'm old.
( ')>
( ) <-- teh duck
(0) So Waddaya Think!
12:00:00 PM
Friday, September 12, 2003
Haha facts about love everyone should know.
One who loves truly can never lose entirely.
Memories of love never pass. They linger, guide and influence long after the source of stimulation has faded.
Everyone moved by genuine love knows that it leaves enduring traces upon the human heart.
I guess that's why i don't really feel the loss now. Cause i know that it will always be a part of me and stick in my heart. Guiding me and influencing me forever. Forever a part of me. I move on, hoping to brighten other peoples lives... The way i wish for them to brighten mine.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:38:00 AM
Isn't it how funny that when you are feeling depressed about something u should not have done... Then you hear something that has always been there telling you "You shouldn't have done that". Well I recently told my friends that money is useless if you can't find love. The most important thing in life is still love. If you gave me a choice, i'd stop all my business and live happily ever after. Even in poverty. If the girl of my dreams would also give everything up for me of course. I've made it quite far down the road. Believe it or not, you should not doubt the fact that love > $$$.
And the song that's been in my face all these while, laughing at me for working so hard, and neglecting or rather, not putting enough effort to be the dream guy is Leslie Cheung --- Zhui (chase). Here's the chinese lyrics but its a cantonese song.
×· ¡¡
ß@Ò»ÉúÒ²ÔÚßMÈ¡¡¡ß@·Ö犅s’ìÄîÕl ¡¡
ÎÒ•þÕf¡¡Î¨ªšŠ…²»¿Éʧȥ ¡¡
ºÃïL¹âËÆ»ÃËÆÌ“¡¡ÕlÃ÷ÈËÉú˜·È¤ ¡¡
ÎÒ•þÕf¡¡žéÇéžé?ÛÈÔÈ»ÊÇŒ¦ ¡¡
Õl±ÈŠ…ÖØÒª¡¡³É¹¦ÁË”¡ÁËÒ²ÍêÈ«ŸoÖØÒª ¡¡
Õl±ÈŠ…ÖØÒª¡¡¿ñïLÓ걩Ó궼ÒòŠ…ȼŸý ¡¡
Ò»×·ÔÙ×·¡¡Ö»Ïë×·ÚsÉúÃüÑeÒ»·ÖÒ»Ãë ¡¡
Ô?í¶àüN¿ÉЦ¡¡Š…ÊÇÕæÕýÄ¿˜Ë ¡¡
Ò»×·ÔÙ×·¡¡×·Û™Ò»Ð©Éú»î×î»ù±¾ÐèÒª ¡¡
Ô?íÔ粻ȱÉÙ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡
ÓÐÁËŠ…¡¡¼´Ê¹Æ½·²…s×îÖØÒª ¡¡
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¯‚‘Ù¶àåeÕ`¸ü¶à¡¡ÈçÄÜ?ÄÐÂ×öß^ ¡¡
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Õl±ÈŠ…ÖØÒª¡¡³É¹¦ÁË”¡ÁËÒ²ÍêÈ«ŸoÖØÒª ¡¡
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Ò»×·ÔÙ×·¡¡Ö»Ïë×·ÚsÉúÃüÑeÒ»·ÖÒ»Ãë ¡¡
Ô?í¶àüN¿ÉЦ¡¡Š…ÊÇÕæÕýÄ¿˜Ë ¡¡
Ò»×·ÔÙ×·¡¡×·Û™Ò»Ð©Éú»î×î»ù±¾ÐèÒª ¡¡
Ô?íÔ粻ȱÉÙ¡¡Ö»µÃŠ…¡¡
•þ½ÐÎÒáÝ?·ÈËȺÑe×îÖØÒª ¡¡
ÓÐÁËŠ…¡¡¼´Ê¹³Á˯ÁË¡¡Ò²ÔÚЦ
I know now i only have 1 target. To find someone to share my happiness. Share my happiness not share my money. Rich married ppl i know... Scare me with things they share with me. Some other reasons why i prefer to be poor with someone i live my life with. Nothing other than me to life. XD
(0) So Waddaya Think!
4:35:00 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Quite some few many days since i last updated. Feel very weird ?.? Haha. Life is not about ups and downs. There is no such thing as ups and downs in life. I just understood it. There is either up or down. If you haven't put your mentality on the upwards track, keeping condemning yourself, keeping doubting your abilities. If you keep questioning your actions and fearing other people to criticize, its time you started putting aside all those fears and keep yourself happy. Its not a successful man who is happy. Its a happy man that becomes successful! I've learnt that and i've kept myself happy. Even when things go bad, i'm still happy. Cause always look on the bright side of life! No projects coming in now, that's one cause for ppl to be unhappy. It only means its time for short break before doing more projects! And also it means time to do my own stuff! Recently got pwned and my flame totally snuffed out by luna. Dun matter, the world is big. I'll surely find the right one!
If anybody thinks that their life is in a mess and they are useless creep. I'd love to help you get your life in order. I have found the right direction in life. This gives me endless energy to do things i want and to do things to make me happy.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
5:39:00 AM
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Today spend a lot of time trying drawing up different logos for DSD. OMG I have been stuck at doing logos for them for SOOOOOO LONG! DAMN IT INSPIRATION STRIKE ME! Forget to cut hair forget to book advance driving forget a lot of things. DAMN IT. Nvm i will do it this weekend! Hmm i think luna didn't want to be seeing me around today. XD Well is not i dun care but hell, I'm emotionally detatched already. Mentally anyway, i have detached my emotions from her. Dun ask me how. SECRET. Well today she brought with her a guy! Enough already, its my blog about my stuff not hers. hahaha
Ok now time for MY STUFF. Nothing much, just went to heeren and meet up with them. Thought they would go to Crazy Elephant today but then they all like... in the end don't want to. Nevermind... Just thought could go there for a few drinks. To make me FATS. Hmm it seems got more and more people reading my blog. Traffic has been up recently. Well, i dun like to hide things from others! But now i have a new motivation for working. Its a dream machine. I want to create live and experience my dreams. And i want to make the dreams of all those friends of mine come true too. All those who have big dreams big ambitions, who want something in life. I want to help you make it come true too! Dun tell me you want money you want car you want house that kind of stuff ok! >_<. I seriously want to help you guys climb up to where i am standing. And see the world differently. Where u only see the beauty of it. In all aspects, beauty all around. No loneliness no sadness. BUT there is no such thing as something for nothing. Give me your faith, believe in me!
Yeah i sound like a lunatic, but that's why i wanna join a church, to harness the power of prayers and faith. Dun believe me? Think i'm joking? Lol then maybe u should learn how and maybe u should try it. For those who believe in me, i know and when the time comes, i will thank you.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:06:00 AM
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Basic fundamentals of the mind. Think focus and obtain. Nothing can get in the way of your mind, no one can get in the way if you focus strong enough, if you desire it enough. most important thing is desire to obtain, not wish not want. DESIRE. stronger. I understand why i did not follow through on Luna already... Is because i have doubts. I have fears. I have issues. Is because my sense of desire is not strong enough. "Burn your bridges". That's what i have been told before. "Before a battle close your exit route with fire, then the only way is forward! You win or die". I did burn my bridges before i started to go after Luna. I burnt all hope i had with everything else. Friends mostly shut off, Close friends kept at a distance, and well... some people i totally did not even go to contact. In my mind i only want 1 friend only want 1 girl. 1 Luna. Then more bridges appear and i keep burning and burning. "3 feet from gold". Don't stop whatever you are pursuing cause u may never know if u are just 3 feet from digging up gold or in my case, just 1 bit of effort or weekend spent from winning her heart. Success has the uncanny way of hiding itself in defeat. By passing through the final most tragic doors of defeat, you can see the most beautiful sights of success.
Well I've explained what i've understood in layman terms. Like a painting on a wall and i'm looking at it now. Well, i doubt myself... Doubt my feelings for luna, cause i'm afraid. I may spend 10 20 years chasing her and i may win her heart after that time. Or i may stop burning open my channels and lead a peaceful quiet life. Maybe the way she put it, i can never forget it. Asking me to dun treat her so good, or else next time i will easily be make use of by girls. Is like you are stabbed in the heart, still alive, struggling for breath and someone tells you, dont worry you are going to be all right or something like that. make your departure smooth and very... peaceful... I feel peaceful having put her down... Things u can take up u must be able to let go. I also dun want stop even if its 1 feet from gold. Cause i wanna open my channels and reasses myself. I need a religion. Badly.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:41:00 AM
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Ok, i have picked myself up and i move on already. I getting bits of my creativity back... Gotta re-refresh myself. Nothing much to write about leh... Now i more or less lost my motivation to work hard liao. I feel so slack when i work, always waiting for tmr and i feel so tired when i wake up. Lifeless and without energy. Amazing what the mind and a girl can do to you. Power of love XD.
Damn i found so many good tutorials today but then i forgot to bookmark! Have to find again tmr at work. What's the use of money if it can't be used to keep myself happy? And what's money for if its meant to be spent alone? LUNA WORKS! Interface up soon, hope to link it to my blog so you guys can check it out!
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:34:00 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Got pictures... pictures of Luna. Gonna upload into my phone.
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This parts of the song i truly feel in my heart. I wish her well. And she is a part of my heart, something that will never change. But i will open my heart, to spare my sufferings.
Lonely night with no stars in the sky. Still no ideas fill my head yet my work is piling up. I really wish she was by my side now.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:18:00 AM
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